So Many Roads: A Grateful Dead Podcast

A First Phish Show at MSG: "This Is Where I'm Meant To Be"

• P.Bouley

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A longtime fan takes a friend to her first Phish show at Madison Square Garden, tracing the nerves, the lift-off, and the afterglow that follows days later. The story becomes less about songs and more about belonging, pride, and the surprise of feeling at feeling at home. We talk about her  personal journey within a communal wave and why people keep coming back. 


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SPEAKER_01:

I'm about to do something I've done dozens of times. Go see a band who, fairly or not, will always be associated with The Grateful Dead. The difference this time is I'll be seeing it through the eyes of a friend and colleague who's seeing them for the very first time. This is Sarah's first fish show from the legendary Madison Square Garden in New York City. So as we headed out the door to catch the train, I quickly asked her why she jumped on board. Alright, Sarah, thanks for sitting down real quick. We don't have much time. We gotta head out, catch a train. But I wanted to get a little background. You and I have seen a ton of jam band shows together over the last like almost decade.

SPEAKER_02:

Crazy.

SPEAKER_01:

But the only thing I knew about you before we saw that first one was that you were a huge third eye blind fan.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

So thinking back to that first Dead and Company show, I believe it was 2017. You jumped in with a few people that we work with.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

And I was a huge deadhead, and I don't even know if you knew that about me. But why'd you say yes to that? Like that's what started all this. Why'd you say why'd you jump in with us?

SPEAKER_02:

Just wanting to experience different music. Um, love third eye blind and really just have always loved music, but wanted to expand like my horizons with what seemed super fun. Um, I jumped on on that first show, you know, joined you guys, and honestly, I was hooked. It was it was just amazing in on so many different levels.

SPEAKER_01:

It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02:

It it's it it was it was beautiful. It was absolutely beautiful.

SPEAKER_01:

Arriving at Grand Central Station is always interesting, if not a little intimidating. It takes a few minutes to navigate the crowd before you can look up at that giant, beautiful ceiling and feel the excitement of being in the big apple. I figured it was the perfect time to get a read on what Sarah was now thinking.

SPEAKER_00:

What do you think you're about to get into here?

SPEAKER_02:

I am ready to dance and just let loose and enjoy the lights, and I am psyched about this first fish show.

SPEAKER_00:

What do you think the show is gonna actually be like? Like, what have you heard? What are you people have told you about what a fish show is like?

SPEAKER_02:

I appreciate your input before this, in that at times we might not know what's going on and just roll with it and just enjoy the moments. And if you need to chill, you chill, you close your eyes, you let it all in. I'm very excited.

SPEAKER_01:

As we stepped outside, the day began to shift into a different rhythm. The city hummed past our cap, the hotel lobby offered a quiet pause, and after a quick dinner, we walked across town with a little extra spring in our step, the Empire State Building glowing in the distance. And then there it was, Madison Square Garden, that circular spaceship-shaped arena floating above Penn Station. Since our tickets were split up, my girlfriend Jamie, a veteran of 125 fish shows, offered to guide Sarah to her seat and through her first fish experience. Before we knew it, the first set was off and running. Alright, we're here with step break. It's a little close, but we gotta do what we gotta do to get so what'd you think? Take us from the beginning. What is what's going on in Sarah's mind?

SPEAKER_02:

Like this slow grind, right? Just like working up to like just then you're in it. You're living in it, you're feeling it, you're just flowing with it. You're it it takes over. And then you kind of come back a little bit. Um and I had a hard time at the end.

SPEAKER_01:

Why'd you have a hard time at the end?

SPEAKER_02:

That it just hit me, and I was like, I gotta stay. That was um Jamie said dirty. It was like scary dirty, and I yes. I couldn't, I could have had some done.

SPEAKER_01:

And you had like you get in your head a little bit, and then you have and then you have and then you have to be like onto this. Yeah, well, I gotta snap onto this and have some fun, but that's part of the journey with fish. Sometimes it brings you down and then it brings you up. So any songs stick out? Reba, you love the reba. I loved Reba. Tag it, tag it.

SPEAKER_02:

I loved Reba. We loved it.

SPEAKER_01:

What else?

SPEAKER_02:

Um the wave one? There's something with a wave. And you're down under the wave. Play soft? That probably that one. I can't wait for set two. Okay. So good.

SPEAKER_01:

Despite getting a little dark at the end of the first set, I hoped the second set would keep up the energy, and it did not disappoint.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, off you go into the night.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, bye.

SPEAKER_00:

Too-doo!

SPEAKER_01:

As the crowd walked out, I came to the realization that this might have been the perfect show to introduce someone to the band. And based on the text I received halfway through the second set stating, quote, I really was meant to be a hippie, I think it worked. A few days later, once the dust had settled, I checked in with Sarah to get her final impressions. All right, Sarah, thanks for sitting down with me a few nights after the show. How's that afterglow?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, it's amazing. Having just reliving moments at random points in the day is just been awesome.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm so happy. I'm so glad you liked it. Um, all right, let's start at the beginning.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

So, what was it like, you know, walking towards MSG, the city around you, the arena, the energy before we went in? What what was what was that all like for you?

SPEAKER_02:

Just being able to approach the building, see the fish sign, and just see all the people that are excited to be there. I remember, you know, mentioning to you guys that there are so many different walks of life that are just excited to be here. And to be a part of that was so memorable and something I will always remember.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I mean New York City. New York City.

SPEAKER_02:

The the people going in, all of it was just amazing.

SPEAKER_01:

All right. What about um, you know, again, we got to split up because of the way the tickets broke down, and then I sent you off with my girlfriend Jamie, who's a veteran of well over 120 shows. I think we counted in the cab ride over. I think it was like 125, but I know she's and she stopped counting. Yeah, she basically stopped counting. So um she got into your seats, you sat with her before the show. Like, did that help you relax? Did that change the way you noticed things? Like, what was going on between you two?

SPEAKER_02:

Just being able to be with Jamie, knowing I was in good hands, um, talking to people she knew, um, which are many, um awesome and and exciting and meeting people through Jamie, um, being able to like just be a part of the conversation and again that excitement leading up to you know the show starting um was so fun. Um and having her as like, you know, my my partner in crime, so to say, during my first, you know, my first experience, not only seeing Fish, but at MSG, um, was just the per it was the perfect pair.

SPEAKER_01:

Did she like point out anything that made you notice something new about the band or the crowd that maybe you wouldn't have seen on your own?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, it was it was Jamie that I, I, you know, we're walking through the concourse, she brought us down to the main level, um, and we got to do like the whole loop, um, which it felt like a city in and of itself. Um, just walking that, having her show me, you know, all the different parts to it. And that's when I turned to her, you know, and I was like, there are so many different people that just love being here. And and that's, you know, really where it kind of stood out to me. And and she just confirming that for me was um just comforting and and and just very exciting.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh anything in the crowd or like the vibe, or did anything surprise you or catch you off guard, or was it exactly what you thought you were getting into?

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, I think that I was more surprised just all the different styles, the you know, the glitter, um, and and the the shine. But then there was also like people in in plaid and play and all and hats and just like baseball caps. Um, and I loved that. Like I just felt a part of it. I I felt like I belonged. Like I I was I was meant to be there. And and you know, I'll talk about that later too, how I really like came to that realization. But it it I didn't feel out of place. It was almost like it is what I expected, but it just confirmed it.

SPEAKER_01:

Um did you feel young?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I I don't know, like I guess actually looking looking back now in this moment as as you're asking that, I guess I did, but I didn't feel that in the moment. I just felt included. I just felt like that like I was meant to be there. Um I wasn't young, I wasn't old, I just was. Um and that was such a like such a just like grounding feeling. It was such a it was such a uh an important like moment for me to just feel welcome.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I only asked that because I was looking around and I was like, I am definitely uh average age here, and I'm quite a bit older than you. All right, what about when the lights went down, music came on? Just really quick, what were your thoughts?

SPEAKER_02:

So we were we were out, um, the show started, we ran to our seats. Jamie and I were like, oh, it started a few minutes early. So we got right to our seats, you know, we knew where we were because we had been there, but we were bopping around a little bit, talking to people. Um, and that that intensity, that moment of just everyone around you, like waiting for this, this, this point, this, this starting point was uh it was electric. It was it was truly electric. Um and I'll never forget it.

SPEAKER_01:

Were there times where the music just swept you away or you got lost? Like emotionally, what happened to you during this?

SPEAKER_02:

One part that I loved was just being able to be in the moment and have it's almost like it was like my own journey with myself in in in any moment that I that I felt that that that draw. Um and then I could just join back in with everyone around me whenever the mood like striked. It was such a like personal experience until it wasn't, because then I was back with Jamie and and the guys next to me that you know I didn't even know, but ended up feeling like friends by the end of the show. Um it it really just was like this personal experience, but one I'm sharing with like thousands of people, which was like just incredible.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. It's a personal, it's a personal and a communal experience.

SPEAKER_04:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

So perhaps this answers my next question, but now that you've experienced um what would you say to someone if they asked you why people love fish shows so much?

SPEAKER_02:

So I at the uh towards the end, I turned to Jamie and I was like, this is where I'm meant to be. Um and looking at everyone around me, um, I could tell they had that same feeling. And, you know, she turned to me and she was like, Welcome. And that is why people go. I I I'm assuming, right? I I experienced that. And and who wouldn't want to experience that? Who wouldn't want to feel this connection um on a personal level, but also with strangers that end up feeling like part of of your life. Um, and that that is something that I want more of. Um and I, you know, I'm hooked, right? I I mean that that welcome that almost Jamie says this this rebirth, it felt like that for me. It really felt like a rebirth, you know, I have my own stuff going on, and and for me on a personal level, it was the perfect time, and it felt so real and so where I was supposed to be.

SPEAKER_01:

So what I love about the New Year's run uh at Madison Square Garden because it's during the holidays. Yes, and so no matter what's going on in your life, the holidays are always stressful, and all of a sudden you can just go to this I, you know, it's a spaceship.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes, it looks like you can go to the spaceship and blast off.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and like you said, you can go on this roller coaster of some songs are gonna make you sad, and some songs are gonna make you stand up and scream at the top of your lungs, and it just it's it's a truly human experience. And uh is the whole world new now.

SPEAKER_02:

Definitely. It it's I and honestly, to for me, there was this um level of of I was proud that I did this, like I could do this, right? On on this level, right? You know, you're talking about smaller shows, like that that I've done with you guys and I've uh thoroughly enjoyed, but this was there, there was, you know, there were some nerves. Um, but I I loved it. I I handled it, I I was I was supported, right? And it just it did it did change, you know, the concert experience for me. It it definitely did.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so if you could sum it up in a couple words, what would you say?

SPEAKER_02:

I would say personal journey. I would say Electric. And I would say when are we going again?

SPEAKER_01:

Amazing. Thanks, Sarah. Thanks for giving me your impressions. Thank you. I feel like uh it was just the perfect night, um, and I'm excited to see where your journey goes with music.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm so excited. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01:

Thanks again.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

In the end, it wasn't about the set list or the jams. It was about that feeling, the one everyone in the room is chasing, whether it's their first show or their hundredth. You can hear it in Sarah's voice. The excitement, the disbelief, the way the night still stays with her a few days later. And that's why, no matter what band or bands do it for you, we keep coming back. Thanks for joining me on the So Many Roads podcast. I'm your host, Pete Booley. Dave Steinman is our show's technical director. Theme music by Sawyer Boolean. Artwork by Ashley Hodson. You can find us on YouTube, Meta, at our website, so many roads podcast.buzzsprout.com. If you have a unique story or perspective to share, feel free to make a comment on any platform or hit me up at so many roads podcast at gmail.com. Thanks for listening. Until next time, let's keep the journey going.

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Pete

Host
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Dave

Producer
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Ashley

Editor
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Sawyer

Editor

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